One of the early evolution of Mitzi's fear-based personality involved a complete and total refusal to walk. She would take enough steps as needed to pee on flowers but then she would walk no more. I pulled, I cajoled, I offered treats, I worried that I looked like a bad dog owner. Nothing.
I decided it was time to get a trainer. I found one that would come to my place. When she arrived she immediately starting talking to my dog in baby talk. Random strangers also do this when I'm out walking and I find it completely bizarre. They're all like: 'you're such a pretty girl, yes you are, yes you are!'. For reals, this happens. And I'm like: 'what the fuuuuuuuuckkkk!' But only in my head. In real life I have an awkward smile plastered on my face.
Anyhoo, this trainer was actually pretty great. She got Mitzi walking again (her advice: pull HARDER!) and she confirmed what I knew: my dog was scared and defensive but not at all aggressive.
She also told me I should talk to her in enthusiastic baby talk.
Um...
I do not do baby talk. I don't know if humans can share their organs with animals but I'm going to assume they can. I would give Mitzi a kidney but I will not talk to her in a voice that would cause me to vomit with every sentence.
And really, I don't talk enthusiastically about anything, except maybe tacos, Talisman (being supreme winner of), if I think you are wrong and I am right (which is always), people who drive while being idiots (more on that later) and zombie attacks (which is our future, clearly).
But it's okay, I found a way to connect with my dog that does not compromise my strong stance on baby talk. I'm not going to deny that a certain lilt has slowly crept into my voice. I'm not going to deny that sometimes I just sit and kiss my dog while calling her gorgeous. But baby talk? Fuck no.
No comments:
Post a Comment